we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
You can't special order awesome
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
The best revenge is premature balding
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
