I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
