so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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