I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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