dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
