I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
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