when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
