I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
