started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
