She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
