I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
