That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
