I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
