after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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