hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
