I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
