I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
