I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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