the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
