batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Randomize
