you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
