do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
