Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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