party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
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