yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
