I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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