My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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