Your face is a jimmy john
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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