First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
