It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
