hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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