Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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