I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
