Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
