vagina is talking i cant
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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