Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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