I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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