So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
