david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize
