Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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