Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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