My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
