Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
