true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
