You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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