Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
