And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
