Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Mom said you looked used
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
