half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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