good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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